3 months and i’m still sober…

sorry i haven’t written in a while (assuming someone actually reads this stuff), reason being the roller-coaster that has been my life for approximately a year now… i jumped into a master’s program without thinking it through, got a boat load more responsibilities at work, ended a 7 1/2 year relationship, moved in with my brother, lost a good friend to a ridiculous misunderstanding, had major knee surgery and finally decided to work harder at just…being. [among many other loops in the roller-coaster]

anywhoo, my brother got my mom, him and me tickets to go see kelly clarkson the week of my 26th birthday (ugh, 26 was a difficult number to type)… yeah that’s right, i love kelly clarkson (very unlike my usual rocker self, but she’s honest, edgy, has killer pipes, and is fun), so i’ve spent the greater part of my ear-bud infused hours with a miss independent soundtrack in preparation for the show. today, i’ve dedicated my time to my favorite album of hers— my december.

i’ve been typing away on a project for work and “sober” started playing and - just like the first time i heard it - it blew me away, stopped me in my tracks and forced me to listen to its beautiful lyrics accompanied by kelly’s soft melodies and an acoustic guitar.. i listened.. i really listened, and i came to the conclusion that the song perfectly depicts the last year of my life (see 1st paragraph in case you forgot).

so i was inspired to look up a good video of the song and post it and to my surprise there was this… this intimate and incredible live performance of a life-altering track. THANK YOU SONY (they sponsored the show which provided this quality video that i have since had on repeat). 

i love kelly’s description on how and why she wrote the song at the beginning and the rest sells itself…


And I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing’s real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it’s never really over

And I don’t know I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won’t worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It’s never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it’s still harder now
Three months I’ve been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I’m still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

there you have it. my current feeling about life in one song. life sucks sometimes, and other times it doesn’t. i lost a love, but gained a life. i’ve seen who my real friends are (or in this case, the flowers not the weeds). i’ve grown more in the past 6 months than in the past 26 years and i owe it to life’s inconsistencies. i owe it to the handful of people that never left. and i whole-heartedly owe it to the music. the songs that tell the story.

thank you kelly, i can’t wait for the show.